My thoughts on Sandy Hook

During a season that should be full of gladness, it is difficult to feel such emotion after what happened Friday. I cannot describe my feelings or emotions. They are all mixed up. As I have been living this life in a new world of raising a child, my gratitude has peaked for having been given such an opportunity to do so. Each day, I love and hold my baby girl and call my husband to talk about his day. 

After hearing of the news last Friday, my heart sank. JJ texted me and said, "Don't turn on or read the news today." Luckily, for Facebook, I had already seen the headlines. I did what I could to limit my exposure to it. However, I couldn't ignore it. As I read story after story, I couldn't help but shed a few tears. How could someone allow such evil to overtake them? How could someone want to shock a nation so much that they would target the most vulnerable sect of society? 

It brought back painful memories of the Batman premiere shooting. It was 20 July 2012, a Friday. I had heard of the news as I was packing up to leave the hospital after having been there for 4 days. I had just given birth to Bonnie and it was the time in my life where I discovered that all the little moments mattered and that nothing compared to the innocence of a child. 

After I heard the story of the six year old girl who was caught in the crossfire, fear filled my soul. I called JJ and told him that I didn't feel safe anywhere. I didn't want to allow my brand new baby who had a  life ahead of her to leave the hospital where she would grow and be exposed to a world filled with such evil. This last Friday, the same feelings crept in.

I would like to think what I would do as a parent in that situation. Honestly, the first thought that came to my mind was to drive to the house of the dad of the shooter and shoot his house up. It also reminds me of that case in the summer with Sierra Newbold being taken from her home and murdered in such a disgusting and violent manner. Had I found out the killer, I probably would have taken a dull knife and castrated the guy who did it, then I would have let him drink Drano. I would want him to slowly and painfully die as he allowed that little Sierra Newbold to die. I know, I'm totally twisted and half-heartedly serious. But really! How do we allow lunatics like this to succeed? What I found amazing is this video I came across. These parents lost their girl, Emily in the shooting and they feel NO ANGER to the shooter! It made me realize that the atonement has such healing powers and that the only way to let go of anger and hatred is to replace it with love and a God given understanding of WHY people do the things they do.

In the end, we need to keep moving forward. After the shooting, I turned on this song to remind me that while so much evil exists in the world, there is a force for good and that good will always conquer the evil. Let's remember that during this holiday season!

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