*What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger*

The last few weeks have been interesting. It is funny how when you think things are going well, trials will be placed into your lap. 

15 days ago, I turned 24. JJ and I set goals together that it would be a better year than my 23rd year in all aspects. For my birthday, he surprised me with beautiful roses, took me to dinner to my favorite restaurant, Happy Sumo, and he drove me out to the Great Salt Lake for a romantic sunset walk on "the beach." The week was going well as I was excelling in health, school, and piano. Not to mention, my appointment with my doctor was the best yet. Our baby girl's health was excelling so much that the doc told me I did not even need to take prenatals for us. 

Fast forward 7 days. The Monday started off wonderfully as I was able to practice five hours of piano with the most focus I've ever had, and at this point my senior recital was only 3 weeks away. I took many tests in school and they all went great. I was at the height of happiness and I was ecstatic that school was going so well and that I was set for graduation. However, that night after I came home after a long day, I noticed that my left leg had swollen a bit. I figured it was edema from pregnancy so I thought I would get rid of the "water retention" by running on the treadmill. 

Tuesday morning, April 17. I woke up and noticed my left leg had ballooned up from 21 inches to almost 25 inches. I got up to make JJ a sack lunch and found that I was barely able to walk. I didn't think much of it but I felt a strong prompting to skip my math class and instead call my doctor about it (which I never do, I am stubborn). He told me to rush to the E.R. immediately. JJ had left for work but drove back to drive me since I couldn't walk. 
My leg the morning I went to the E.R.

We entered LDS hospital and they rushed me back. I was surprisingly very calm and at peace. Once I was admitted, the doctors administered all sorts of tests, but they did not see anything abnormal. As I was about to be discharged, the E.R. doc suggested I get an MRI to see if I perhaps had a blood clot. I said a quick prayer while I was in my room alone. I felt strongly that I needed to get it. When the doc came back with the results, I was in tears. He informed me that a dangerous blood clot had formed in my left iliac vein and that I would have to get shots twice a day for the rest of the pregnancy. I also had to be mostly on bed red with my leg elevated. How could this happen to me? I was three weeks away from my recital and two weeks away from finals. The timing couldn't have been worse. 

JJ got up at 7:30am to poke me with a needle and did it again at 7:30pm. The medicine was working and I was able to walk very little with the help of compression stalkings. I even practiced everyday, performed recitals at rest homes and had a two hour piano lessons with my teacher. I was feeling optimistic once again. However, I know I had strength because I was praying everyday and reading my scriptures. I've felt like my relationship with Heavenly Father was being magnified by this trial and that he was there by my side. I as I was merely thumbing through the scriptures, I stumbled across this one in 2 Nephi 2:2: 

 Nevertheless, Jacob, my first-born in the wilderness, thou knowest the greatness of God; and he shall consecrate thineaafflictions for thy gain.

I sent an email to my piano teacher saying that I would be going back to school and that I would do my recital on time and in good health. Until.....

Yesterday, April 25. I felt a shortness of breath, chest pain and I developed a slight cough. I had read in the discharge papers that those were serious signs and could result in death. I called my doctor and he had me drive to the IMC E.R. room. I honestly didn't think it was anything. JJ met me at the hospital. They took me back and discovered quickly that my blood clot had broken off from my pelvis and had traveled up to my lungs and heart. This is called a pulmonary embolism and it can kill you in a short time if left untreated. My dad and mom came over to the hospital and comforted me and my mother in law soon followed. I was concerned about our baby and they said they needed to do a CT scan which is radiation and that it could possibly cause deformities. They suggested that my health was more important in the long run than the baby's. I refused to do the scan over and over. My dad and JJ administered a priesthood blessing. I felt okay about doing the CT scan after that but the doctor came in and said that we didn't need to do it because they saw my inflamed heart on an EKG and that was enough. They admitted me to the hospital for five days. 

So here I am, lying in bed at IMC. Wondering if I'll graduate, wondering if our baby will be okay, wondering if I'll be okay, wondering about JJ's well being, wondering if we'll be able to go to Cancun, wondering if I'll be able to play my senior recital that I've worked 5 1/2 years towards, wondering why God had to place these afflictions on my lap 10 days before graduation. 

I'll never be sure why this is happening to us. But I know one thing and that is that Heavenly Father loves me. I feel he gives us trials to strengthen us or to weaken us to a point that we will have no choice but to call upon him. I feel his Son, Jesus Christ is becoming my best friend. 

I want to thank everyone who has supported JJ and I. Either with meals, services, prayers, visits, flowers, and love. Thanks to all of you for your kindness and for being there for us in such a difficult time. 

1 comment:

  1. I am in tears and I am reading this.WOW brit you are a fighter and so is Baby Bonnie.I love you so much and my Prayers and Thoughts are with you always.I love you and keep being positive that is all you can really do and keep relying on heavenly father for love support and guidance. Him and your earthly parents are here for you as well as countless family and friends.I love you so much wish I could take some of the pain away.
    love you <3 cousin.